More Squats & Parting Words

I am regularly discovering something new about myself. Today, for instance, I discovered that when I handle stress like a grown up I break out in hives. Everywhere. Everywhere except my face. Awesome.

Friday, our last day, I sat down at Coach’s desk and we had our normal conversation: which one of us slept less, who is further away from calorie goal, who is poorer; throw in some Monty Python, Star Wars, and Super Trooper quotes, RPG and MMO reviews, and you have the magic that goes into making a Warrior Girl. During this normal conversation it occurred to me that today was the last time it would happen for an unknown amount of time and while he was making a joke, and I began to laugh, I put my head on his desk and sobbed. Poor Coach! He rubbed and patted my back causing me to jump up and say “I need to lift weight.”

I needed to lift serious weight. Good thing my ego is still knocked down from Thursday because I got 45# front squats and 3# – yes, 3# – overhead squats. Another awesome moment in the rebuilding of a Warrior.

He loved my front squats. He made minor adjustments to my OH squats (get the bar further behind me) but otherwise was pleased with those as well. I am perplexed. Coach is always ripping apart every little angle, every little quiver but Friday I received minor corrections and lots of positive feedback. For over a year I have been asking for interaction like this: guide me, improve me, but don’t be so “kick the crap out of this girl” about it. Stop destroying my confidence. He finally grants this request and I am left to wonder if he is doing so just to start my Coach-less future off in a positive place or if he really does actually see I am pretty damn good at this.

I am told to let him know how my hip is but I have promised I won’t bug him so I tell him it will be fine. He then says he will check in with me regularly and when he does I need to tell him how my hip is. And be honest.

Mostly everything else on this day is focused on triceps. These rebuild days without him will be short. I asked if I have a day where I just mentally can’t do it, don’t want to be here, can I skip everything and just do the hip rebuild portion. He said since that has never been an issue in the past he doesn’t see it being an issue in the future. I have my answer, I will do all my work. I will, however, be doing my work at 4 and 5 AM. I will also be joining a chain gym near me (beh!) to do my rehab work at.

I said “except for my moment, I am surprisingly together” and he looked at me and said “I’ll miss you”. Suck it up tough guy. He regularly points out that I am THE pain in his ass, that he puts more time and effort into me than I will ever be able to repay him for, I am too demanding, too driven, too annoying, that he doesn’t have to put up with me. And now that he will be free of me he says “I’ll miss you”?! Yeah, I’ll miss him too.

He gave me a hug and I reminded him we don’t know if it will be a month or 6 months. But his reply was “once your hip is rebuilt you will be back to heavy weight, I will be done with rugby, and we’ll be lifting partners.” Of course we will.

In the meantime, I have been approved to increase my OH squat to 6#. I have hives (but no tears).

I can do this without him, I just don’t want to. This really isn’t about what I want though. It is who I am and I will do what I have to do. And I will make Coach proud. One of these days, he will be as proud of me as I am of myself.


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Lifting is my love. I think it is safe to say it is the only thing I have ever loved in this life. After 20 years of battling anorexia, this Warrior Girl started winning that battle the first time I touched a barbell. Loving something is a powerful thing.

2 thoughts on “More Squats & Parting Words”

  1. All this schmoopy coach talk… I have a feeling he’s more proud of you than you will ever realize.

    And darn it if he isn’t smart about it, since his not telling you that every moment of your sessions together is one of the things driving you to work even harder. 🙂

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