I had a great lift day and just as I sat down to type about it the doorbell rang.
It’s an odd phenomena: I am not a people person, I keep to myself, avoid most people, trust almost no one, and ask no questions. And yet people of all ages, ranging from stranger to acquaintance to friend, often turn up on my doorstep because they have nowhere else to go and need to talk. Tonight it was the neighbor girl, who is now a young lady of 27, 2 years married and living 2 states away. Standing out in the bitter cold wearing a t-shirt and sobbing, I ushered her in and made her tea. She begins “I made sure it was right. We dated 4 years. How did this happen? He’s…” (I won’t compromise trust but it is so horrible that it shocks even me). I told her to just drink her tea and relax. She looked at me and said “Don’t you want to know the details?” and I replied “Sweetie, be prepared. Everyone is going to be asking you for details. When you come here you will get tea and breathing room, not questions.”
Safe shelter is all I have and all I want to give. She took it for 4 hours. As we sat I thought “I am always safe shelter for people. I wish I had safe shelter” and then I remembered, after all these years I finally do. I often worry that my lack of nosiness is seen as unsympathetic. I didn’t know what a wonderful gift I was giving people until I found it myself. As someone who often questions her place in this world, I realized tonight that simply providing space, just space, for people to go when they are at the end of their rope is an important job.
Four hours later I send her across the street to talk to her mom.
And now, for our regularly scheduled program: Deep Barbell
Muscle snatch & OH squat – I love the muscle snatch and my OHS are getting better
Snatch from blocks – Officially the same weight as my cleans…what?
Snatch pull from floor 5×5 – AWESOME!
Bent Over Row 4×8- So happy to see these, I have missed them
Jerk Balance 5×5 – LOVE
I have a new favorite movement. I LOVED the jerk balance work. I started looking forward to lifting when Coach and I were having the reset. But what I liked about it was 1) being good enough for him to consider me his lifting partner and 2) watching a great lifter lift. I dreaded my lifting during this time though. Today was the first day things felt right for me since the injury. There was no dread or fear. I looked forward to doing something new (jerk balance) and I am enjoying the snatch work. I looked forward to being alone and, because I have honestly assessed my post-injury maxes, I looked forward to just loading the weight and not getting frustrated.
Thursday The Professor and I set up a time to workout for Saturday. I had a feeling it would be a rough day for me. When the workout posted this afternoon, my stomach sank: cleans. It is a damn good thing I have to go.
The universe is a funny thing: not always giving us what we want is a brilliant trick. I read the Outlaw workouts daily and every time I feel the pressure of “I have to make regionals, I HAVE TO!” As that feeling rushed in today it dawned on me that even if my hip was at 100% I mentally would not be able to handle this. I would have had numerous breakdowns by now. The pressure is so consuming that even though I am not participating in The Open, I am panicked that I will fail. Yes, you read that correctly: I am panicked that I will fail something I am NOT EVEN DOING!
Thank you, powers that be, for inflaming my hip on Christmas. It was like receiving socks – not what I wanted but definitely what I needed. I hope the neighbor girl someday realizes that all she is experiencing right now is a big box of socks.