Where To Begin…Again

My last post was 5 months ago. It is hard to believe as I used to be here daily, sometimes twice a day, that 5 months has passed. In the early months of changing coaches I tried but it seemed a blinking cursor and blank page would make me think of whom I had lost and I wanted and needed to be able to look at this blank page without tears.

I have competed a few times since then. The husband surprised me with dedicating a section amongst our baseball collectibles to display my trophies and medals. In case you don’t know, he’s one hell of a good guy.

I like my new coach. 15 months later and I still call him my new coach but 3 years from now I will still be calling him that. And I do like him even if I just did unfriend him on FB but I unfriended his wife and it didn’t seem right to do one but leave the other. I don’t know, The Husband doesn’t have social media so I don’t know the protocol.

In December I wanted a new program, I wanted a fun day, and he agreed but then I took it back – my hip has been near perfect (with proper care) and my squat was almost to pre-injury numbers so I turned down the fun in order to squat. Worst. Idea. Ever. I became a little over-stressed: the holidays, the need to be back in top form, I stopped eating.

I took January off from Coach to figure it out. I didn’t figure it out.

I went back to Coach in February and he said “so, about that fun day. Just try one and maybe everything will fall back into place”. It took 2 weeks, a couple of lectures, one cry, countless F-words, The Husband translating, but things are back in place.

On Thursday’s if (and only if) I complete all my workouts I get to learn Strongman events. I will never compete in that simply because I don’t want to but I have been dying to learn them since 2013 when my CrossFit career ended. It is insanely fun. It’s about as difficult as anything I have ever done, which of course means I love it. I haven’t felt like this since CrossFit. I get to clean and press again (and since everything is neutral grip my shoulder is pain free), I get to deadlift for speed, I get to walk around with heavy stuff. I get to think “you want me to what???!!!” a lot, and then I actually do it. I get to work my ass off (I’m still a worker) and accomplish things; on Friday’s I can’t move without a considerable amount of soreness and effort. This is who I am. This is what I don’t get in powerlifting. This is fun.

Last week Coach said I had to find a lifting partner. It was not an option. I don’t put myself out there. I avoid it at all costs. But I also do what I’m supposed to do so I asked 3 people. And, while I feel like it just confirmed I am the most unlikeable and awkward person in the world, I am told the fact that they said no is a testament of my love and dedication to my sport. When Coach asked how it went I said “The one thing Joel didn’t lie about was he’s the only person who’d put up with me” to which Coach responded “you are like me and I think people don’t respond to your attitude” thus ended his trip out the door to go home and my F-word laden rant began. In my defense, I have never had a bad attitude and even when I struggle, I have never given less than 100%. In his defense, that’s not what he meant (The Husband explained more later but apparently attitudes are not just divided into good or bad). Coach said that he and I are unique and people don’t want to be our partners because we do take it seriously and we work hard. People who aren’t 100%s -most people – don’t want to train with people like us.

Excuse me for a second just to note, everyone wanted me to be their partner in high school chemistry or on their team for group projects. I don’t know why this is different.

I guess his explanation made me feel a little better and later that night Coach sent a long email explaining people to me. I wrote a program which is kicking my tush. The Husband said if I could change my schedule, he’d be my partner one day a week, so I did. I added another day with coach and my other 2 days are at a gym where he said I would at least find a supportive group of lifters who would spot me if needed and the culture is better.

I did all my work this week so I get to have fun tomorrow! I have no idea how I will clean and press a log as I can barely stand up, bend down or raise my arms! But how many times did I say that in CrossFit? I always find a way. I’m a worker. It’s what I do.